


come together, fall apart

by thenewromantics



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: BASICALLY the whole gang is in college, College AU, F/M, also steamy situations, prepare yourselves friends, rucas is the main ship, there's gonna be a lotta angst, this is gonna be a wild ride fam, well not technically an au but like a college aged fic, with background/side smarkle and joshaya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:51:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8533786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewromantics/pseuds/thenewromantics
Summary: "we can't keep doing this because it hurts too much. this sick routine we have, it numbs the pain but it doesn't fix anything. i love you, but we can't just come together only to fall apart again. i want out." or riley and lucas are broken up but have a hard time letting go.





	1. christmas, 2020 - pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> hellllllo friends!! so it's been forever (like y e a r s) since i wrote a muti chaptered fic, but i had inspiration for this rucas multi chapter fic so viola here it is!!! it's gonna be angsty even if this first chapter doesn't seem very angsty, just a warning, fam. hopefully you guys won't hate me too much, and i promise that everything will work itself out in the end (it is riley and lucas after all how can it not??) 
> 
> a little more detailed summary is: riley and lucas break up after high school because they don't want distance to ruin their relationship. but, despite being broken up, whenever they happen to be in the city, they can't stay away from each other and both of them have a hard time letting their relationship go. and both are far too stubborn to admit they still love each other. cue angst. 
> 
> so, here's chapter one!!! i hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think!!

There was something wonderful, no simply _magical,_ about New York during the holidays. The decorations that filled the store shop windows, the lights that illuminated the streets, the Christmas trees that could be seen in window after window. Christmas in New York was by far one of Riley’s favorite things in the entire world, and she was more than thrilled that the holidays were here once again.

Ever since her graduation from high school and the beginning of her freshman year of NYU, Riley has been looking forward to this time of year when all of her friends would be back in the city once more. They had all gone their separate ways in August, and while Riley had made plenty of friends during her first semester, she missed her friends and was excited to finally be reunited with them once more. Her and Maya spoke nearly every single day on the phone, but it had been months since Riley had seen her best friend’s face and Riley was sure that she would burst at the seams when she got to hug Maya once more. 

“So Riley, what time does Maya’s train get in?” Topanga was hanging ornaments on the Christmas tree in the corner of the Matthews’ living room, while Riley put the finishing touches on the family’s gingerbread house. With a small smile, Riley lifted her head from the candy she was examining, sighing softly.

“Four, although I’m meeting Shawn and Katy at the station at 3:30, so I should probably get going pretty soon.” A glance at the clock told her that it was almost 3, and it would probably take her at least 20 minutes to get to the station, and that’s if the subway was on time.

At first, Shawn and Katy had wanted their reunion with Maya to be a simply family affair, but Riley had put up quite a fight insisting that her and Maya were family too and she was going to be with her the minute she got back into the city and there was nothing that nobody could do about it. Maya was the first one of the group to be making her return to the city, so that added another level of excitement to the reunion in Riley’s eyes.

“Alright, sweetheart. Be careful, give Maya my love and let us know when you’ll be home.” Grabbing her coat from the rack and making sure she had her phone, Riley gave her mother a quick hug and was out the door in seconds. It felt nice to be home, while Riley was attending a school close to home, she had opted to live in the dorms in order to get the full college experience and while her roommate was very sweet, it filled Riley up with a bubble of happiness to be around her family again, and feel the homey feeling that she had always loved so much.

The bitter wind and chill of the December air whipped around her as she made her way the subway station, but nothing could wipe the smile off of Riley’s face. It was so close, after weeks of counting down the days. It had been hard to accept at first, that her and Maya were going to be separated for the first time since they had become friends, but Riley couldn’t have been prouder of Maya for her acceptance into the Rhode Island School Of Design, so she faced the separation with a smile on her face and pride in her heart.

Of course, Maya wasn’t the only one of her friends that Riley was proud of, all of them had made their dreams come true. Farkle was taking Princeton by storm and from the weekly skype calls they had, he was loving every second of it. Smackle was schooling everyone in Harvard, as she excitedly told Riley the last time they spoke on the phone back in November, something that Riley couldn’t help but beam at. Zay had gone back to Texas, ready to take on UT Austin and “change the world”, Riley wasn’t exactly sure what he had meant by that, but she was proud none the less and since he texted her nearly every day, it was hard not to know what was going on in his life.

And then there was Lucas.

Part of Riley was more proud of Lucas than anyone else. He was going after his dream of becoming a vet, and Riley really was extremely proud of him. But, it hurt, knowing how far away he was. Thinking of him made her heart hurt slightly, and she had to shake away the feeling that overcame her.

Before long, she was standing outside the train station, all previous feelings replaced with a swell of pure happiness. She nearly skipped inside and up the arrival board, finding Maya’s train instantly and sprinting to the appropriate place, where Shawn and Katy were already waiting. Katy looked nearly as excited as Riley was, and Shawn had a smile on his face, his eyes lit up like the Christmas tree that decorated the middle of the station.

Riley chatted with them for a couple of minutes, but it was hard to think of anything else, so the minute they announced the departure of the passengers, Riley’s eyes were immediately on high alert for her best friend. Katy spotted her before Riley could, nearly screaming and rushed forward to bring her daughter in for a tight hug, Riley watched the scene with a smile on her face, Shawn joining them and pulling Maya in for a hug of his own. 

“Riles!” Maya broke free from Shawn’s grasp and ran towards Riley, nearly knocking her over in a hug, but Riley hardly cared.

“Peaches! I missed you so much!” Her arms were instantly around Maya’s body and everything in the world made sense once again.

“I missed you too.” Maya’s words brought a sense of comfort to Riley and she couldn’t help but hope deep inside that every other reunion in the next couple of days went this well.

“Alright girls, let’s get going, there will be plenty of time for you two to catch up.” Katy said, appearing next to them, wrapping her arm Maya’s shoulder.

“Mom, can I spend the night with Riley, please?”

“Maya! It’s your first night home you should spend it with your family.” Shawn eyed Maya, but Riley could see the smile in his eyes and knew he would give in.

“Please Shawn, we haven’t seen each other in months, I saw you and mom last month when you were in Rhode Island for Thanksgiving.”

“Fine, but you come home first thing in the morning, so you can spend time with us, ok?” Katy said, pulling Maya in for another hug.

“Deal, come on Riles, let’s go.” And with that, Maya grabbed Riley’s hand and pulled her through the station, a laugh escaping Riley’s lips and she sprinted to keep up with Maya.

Oh how she had missed this.

 

***

 

The journey back to Riley’s was mostly spent in laughter, the two best friends telling stories about weird kids from their classes, or horror stories of their dorm rooms, neither one of them dropping their smile even for a second. But Riley knew Maya and knew it wouldn’t take long for her to bring up the one topic Riley didn’t really want to talk about it.

“So, have you talked to Lucas at all lately?” Maya asked casually as she plopped herself down on Riley’s bed, raising her eyebrow in question.

“Nope, not since August.” Riley responded, a sad smile hitting her features, meeting Maya’s eye for a brief moment before looking down at the floor from her place at the bay window.

Riley and Lucas’ relationship had been one of the hardest for Riley to let go of when they all went their separate ways. She knew that it would have been hard, nearly impossible for them to stay together, and be happy, with her in New York and him at Texas A&M. They had mutually agreed to break up while they still really loved each other and were happy, instead of waiting until the distance made them hate each other. Keeping Lucas in her life had always been Riley’s goal, but all semester, every time she picked up her phone to call or text him, it just hurt a little too much.

“Well, he texted me the other day, told me he would be home on Friday.” Riley nodded.

“I can’t wait to see him.” She said, and it was true. While her break up with Lucas still hurt, he was still one of her oldest and best friends, and it had been months since she had seen him, so the prospect of seeing him did bring a level of excitement, even if that level was met with an equal level of nerves and apprehension.

“Well, have you met anyone at NYU that you’re interested in?” Maya waggled her eyebrows, getting up and joining Riley on the bay window and Riley couldn’t help but snort.

“There’s this one boy in my english class, but we don’t really know each other that well, he’s really nice though. He always says hi to me and holds the door open for me.” Truth was, Riley had had a little crush on this boy for a couple weeks now, but hadn’t told anyone and wouldn’t dare tell the boy, considering how little they knew about each other.

“Riles, you dog!” Maya joked, nudging Riley’s shoulder playfully. “What’s his name?”

“Andrew.” She said with a smile. “He’s tall, really tall, he’s got brown hair and these really bright blue eyes, he’s really cute Maya.”

“So basically, he’s the complete opposite of Lucas.” Maya noted and Riley sighed. Yes, Andrew was the virtual opposite of Lucas appearance wise, but that was hardly the reason she was attracted to him. “Not that that’s a bad thing, just an observation.” Maya said after a moment when Riley didn’t respond. 

“No you’re right, he is, but different doesn’t necessarily mean bad.” Riley said with a small shrug. “Lucas and I broke up, we broke up so we wouldn’t hate each other and it was a good idea, I don’t hate Lucas, I never will, but I need to move on. So if that means finding someone who’s a little different than so be it.”

“You’re right. I’m happy for you Riles. I hope things go well with Andrew.” Riley smiled, looking down at her folded hands.  

“Thank you. What about you Maya, any cute artist boys catching your eye?” She nudged Maya’s knee with her own, raising her eyebrows playfully causing Maya to laugh.

“No you little weirdo, stop that.” Riley giggled, moving back slightly so she could look at Maya completely.

“None whatsoever?”

“Nope.” Maya said with a small shrug, looking unbothered. “Besides, I’m still playing the long game with your uncle and since I’m almost twenty and no longer a high school student maybe this will finally be my year.” Riley smiled, shaking her head slightly. The saga of Maya and Josh was one that had been watching unfold for years now and Riley was definitely excited to see it come to end, and she hope that Maya was right and that this Christmas was the year Josh finally made his move.

“Well, I’m glad that you’re happy. That’s all that matters.” Riley said softly, leaning her head on Maya’s shoulder, the comfort of the action bringing a warmth to her heart.

“I’m glad we’re both happy. Now let’s get to bed, that train ride was exhausting, I was next to this old lady who wouldn’t stop yakking about her fake teeth and guy who was yapping on his cell phone the entire time, remind me to never ever sit in the middle seat ever, ever again.” Maya groaned, standing up from the bay window and taking Riley with her.  

“I’m so sorry you had to suffer like that peaches, next time I’ll just fly to Rhode Island and bring you back myself.” They both smiled before crawling into Riley’s bed, cuddling themselves up her blankets. 

“Goodnight Riles.”

“Night peaches.”

Flipping the light off, Riley smiled in the darkness. This was going to be a good Christmas, she could feel it.

 

***

 

The next few days passed in a blur. Between helping her parents get ready for the holidays, doing all her Christmas shopping, and spending as much time as possible with Maya. She didn’t even realize what day it was as she rushed into Topanga’s one afternoon, in desperate need of some hot chocolate to warm her up from the freezing temperatures outside.

But, the warmth of the bakery only comforted her for a moment before she froze in place that the familiar person standing in front of her in line. Her first instinct was to turn around and run and pretend she was never there, but she knew that would be silly. She had meant what she said to Maya, she wanted to see him, and the craving to see him and be around him overpowered her desire to run.

“Riley?” His voice sent shivers down her spine and she couldn’t help but smile as she looked up to meet his gaze.

“Lucas, hi.” Her smile grew as she looked at him. He looked exactly the same and her heart beat erratically in her chest as he smiled at her.

“Hey.” He pulled her in for a hug and Riley didn’t even want to fight it, she nearly melted in his arms and as she breathed in the all too familiar scent, it almost felt like coming home. There was a warm sensation filling her entire body and the sparks that she had felt for him since she was a middle schooler sent goosebumps across her skin.

“How have you been? We haven’t talked since I left.”

“I’ve been good, school’s going good, it’s hard but I’m working through it. What about you? How’s Texas, how’s vet school is it everything you thought it would be?”

Before he could answer the barista behind the counter called his name and he thanked her as she handed him his drink.

“Oh, do you want anything?”

“Lucas, you don’t have to…”

“Riley, please. It’s Christmas and you’re still Riley, one of my best friends, let me buy you something, please.” She nodded, unable to keep the smile off her face.

“Well, since I know you and know you won’t take no for an answer, I’d love something, thank you.” They both leaned their arms against the counter and when the barista returned, Lucas ordered exactly what Riley would have ordered for herself, sending her a small smile once the barista disappeared.

“You still remember what I drink?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.

“It’s been four months Riley, not four years. Besides you’re a hard person to forget about.” He said the last part with a softness to his voice and she blushed slightly, happy for the distraction when the girl returned with her drink. Thanking her, both her and Lucas moved away from the counter and sat down the same spot that they had sat in for years, easily falling back into their old high school routine.

“To answer your earlier question, it’s good. It’s a lot harder than I expected, but I’ve done well so far, made some friends. My roommate’s a little weird, but he’s nice enough. Life’s good.” He said all this with a small smile on her face and Riley couldn’t help the sad one that graced her own features. While she was thrilled that Lucas was doing well, there was a question that was lingering on her tongue that she couldn’t push herself enough to ask.

 _“Do you miss me?"_  

“That’s great Lucas, I’m so happy for you.” She said instead, touching his shoulder lightly, giving a small squeeze. There was a small smile on his face and as he lifted his mug to his lip, he raised his eyebrows slightly.  

“Yeah, it feels like everything’s really falling into place.” It almost sounded like there was a hint of sadness in his voice, but she pushed that away and instead just threw him a smile.

“I’m glad that all your dreams are coming true, you deserve it.” She nearly whispered, the space between them almost becoming too much. After months of convincing herself that their break up was right, and that she didn’t want to be together long distance, her body craved to be near his, even it just meant sitting closer to him on the couch, or brushing her hand up against his. But she restrained herself and settled merely on shooting him a small smile.

However, what she didn’t expect was for him to close the distance between them and move so their bodies were inches apart. If he got any closer, she knew he would be able to feel her heart beat. She knew that what was about to happen shouldn’t happen, they were broken up, their breakup was mutual and getting back together would only cause more heartbreak. But, her pulse was spiking and she could feel his breath on her cheek and it would be so easy, so so easy to give into everything her body wanted.

So she did.

Their lips moved together at the same moment, they had always been really good at being in sync with each other. The first kiss was light, feathery and oh so similar to that first kiss on the subway when they were shy and nervous kids, the next one however, was everything they had wanted to say without having the words to say and it left Riley speechless and breathless. 

“I missed you.” His voice was raw and ragged, his breath fanning out against her cheeks. He pushed his forehead to hers, a common gesture he often did during their make out sessions in high school.

“I missed you too.”

“My parents aren’t home, do you wanna come over?” The question reminded her of when they were nervous and affectionate high schoolers, desperate to know each other in every way possible. Now, all she wanted was the same comfort that his touch had always brought her.

She nodded, unable to find her voice. With a grin he grabbed her hand and they left the cafe, laughing like nothing had changed and no time had passed.

Except, it had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will elaborate on what exactly is going on and continue on with this same day/situation. altho the entirety of this fic will cover multiple different school breaks and college years. if you're confused, hopefully everything will make more sense later!! 
> 
> anyways, i hope everyone enjoyed this and please leave me your comments and let me know what you think!


	2. christmas 2020 - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh what's this?? me updating in a timely manner?? don't get too used to this friends, i'm usually not this on top of it, but i'm super excited abt this story and wanted to get part 2 out there for y'all!! thank you so much for all the kudos and comments on the last chapter, it made me so so so happy to know people are reading this and enjoying it so thank you thank you thank you so much!!! now onto part 2!! 
> 
> warning: things get a lil steamy in the first part of this, but it's nothing too graphic

Riley’s stomach swoops as the bed dips under her, but she doesn’t fight the feeling, instead she gives into it completely, allowing herself to, even if for a moment, let the world disappear around her. Her and Lucas had come back his apartment, removing their coats and shoes as soon as the front door closed behind them, their lips connecting as soon as your back was pushed against the closed door. 

Every instinct in her brain was telling her to stop, to end this before it gets too far, before she’s completely back in his orbit and unable to let go. But, her skin is practically vibrating for him to touch her, her lips are begging for him to kiss her and her heart is pounding her ears and all her sense is thrown out the window as she grabs the nape of his neck, her teeth grazing his bottom lip. 

They easily fall back into their old rhythm. They hadn’t had sex until the summer between junior and senior year of high school, but their senior year was consumed with hidden moments stolen away together, both of them far too addicted and too in love and young to care. Riley knew every crevice of Lucas’ body and every stretch of his skin was etched into her memory like a good song or perfect painting.

Through their frantic kisses, they managed to make their way down the long hallway to his bedroom, stumbling and tripping the entire way there, both of them too stubborn to stop kissing. When his bedroom door falls closed behind them, she giggles softly against his lips, instantly being transported back to high school. He seems to know exactly where her mind is, because he too chuckles, running his hands down the length of her torso, gripping her hips tightly. She groans softly, the need to be closer to him becoming far too much. 

In a swift motion, she reaches down and removes her shirt, looking at him under hooded eyes, throwing her shirt to the side, never breaking eye contact. The look in his eyes is enough to make her knees weak and it takes not even a second for him to remove his own shirt. His lips are against hers again and she takes control of the situation, moving them away from the door and to his bed, falling backwards onto it when it hits her knees. Suddenly he’s hovering over her, pressing wet kisses to her neck and down her collarbone and across her chest and the room is spinning.

Her stomach turns to mush, and her entire body is one fire, his touch leaving her breathless. He was still kissing his way across her chest, his thumb running across the skin of her stomach and she was having a really hard time coming up with any reason why she had broken up with him in the first place.

She barely had time to catch her breath when his lips left her skin before his face was hovering over hers, his breath against her lips and fanning across her cheeks.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” His voice was soft and her heart squeezed in her chest. The voice in the back of her head told her to say no, stop it before it got to the point of no return, end it before she couldn’t take it back. 

“Yes, of course I’m sure.” there was a ghost of a smile on her face and Lucas beamed, pressing his lips against hers once more. She didn’t want to take it back, besides, Lucas was the kind of person that she would never regret anything with.

His lips moved to her neck and her breath hitched in her throat as she let out a breathy moan and the world disappeared around her, fading into the background. And for a beautiful moment it was just her and Lucas.

 

***

 

The next morning, Riley awoke in her own bedroom, the smell of pancakes coming in from the kitchen, where she could hear her brother and father conversing lightly. She smiled softly to herself, pulling herself out of bed and taking a quick glance at herself in the mirror. After what had transpired between her and Lucas last night, she had slipped away while he was still sleeping, not wanting to have the awkward post sex conversation, instead texting him when she got home informing him of her location so he didn’t worry. She had hit the bed and fallen asleep nearly instantly once returning home, not bothering to assess her appearance, but now she wishes she had.

Her hair was askew on her head, falling out of the braid she had carefully done the day prior, some of her makeup had rubbed off on her pillow and was patchy on her skin, and there was now a line of hickeys leading across her collarbone, their reddish, purple color a stark contrast against her skin. Cursing Lucas lightly, she knew she had to do something about, all of this, before she went out and faced anyone from her family. 

Luckily, this was far from the first time Lucas had left marks on her skin, so that was an easy fix, although it felt strange to do the routine now, foreign, and she ignored the weird dip in her stomach as she rubbed the makeup against her skin. She quickly ran a brush through her hair, removing the braid and letting her curls fall naturally across her shoulders, and with a quick scrub of her face, she was ready to face her family. 

Skipping out into the kitchen, she found her father and brother engaged in easy conversation, a stack of pancakes between them. Auggie offered her a smile when she took a seat at the table and her father eyed her slightly before breaking out into a similar smile. 

“Morning sweetheart, sleep well last night?” Her father had a quirked eyebrow and Riley really hoped she wouldn’t get too much flack for coming in late last night. In her defense she was home before ten and hadn’t made too much noise.

“Yeah, I slept just fine.” A slight smile played across her face and she leaned against the heel of her hand, making eye contact with her brother who had a small smirk on his lips. Riley gulped slightly, Auggie had always been able to read situations way better than she ever gave him credit for, and while she hadn’t told her parents where she had been the night before, she had a feeling that Auggie already knew.

“I certainly hope you weren’t out so late last night by yourself, pumpkin.” Her father commented lightly, passing her the plate of pancakes, a concerned smile on his face.

“Oh no dad, don’t worry. I was with my friends.” She said quickly, taking a large bite of her pancakes, desperate for a change in conversation. “And besides, I wasn’t out that late, I got home right before ten.”

“Friends? As in more than one friend?” Riley glared at her brother, an innocent look setting into his face and with a swift motion, she nailed a kick in his direction under the table. 

“Yes, I was with Maya and Smackle.” Riley lied easily, she knew her father wouldn’t question it, she had been spending the entire week with Maya and Smackle had come into town a couple days ago. 

“That’s great sweetie, I’m glad you’re spending time with your friends.” Her father said, standing up from the table and placing a hand on her shoulder lightly before exiting the kitchen and making his way down the hallway.

“What are you trying to do to me?” She questioned her brother as soon as their father was out of earshot. She raised her eyebrows and Auggie only smiled sweetly, folding his hands in front of him.

“I know you were with Lucas last night.” He said simply and she gawked, crossing her arms across her chest. She really had no idea how he did it. Maya didn’t even know where Riley had been the previous night.

“How on earth would you know that?” She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows together.

 “I have my ways.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and taking a bite of his pancakes. “Don’t worry, your secret's safe with me.” Riley scoffed softly, taking her own bite of pancakes before standing up from the table.

“I’m gonna eat in my room. Have a lovely day, August.” She said, grabbing her plate and stalking off to her bedroom. She knew that she shouldn’t be so mad that Auggie saw right through her lie, but she supposed she was a little on edge about everything that had happened the night before.

She didn’t really know how to assess the whole thing. She didn’t exactly regret anything that had happened between them, she trusted Lucas with her life and nothing about last night had made her feel unsafe or upset. But now there was this lingering thing in the air that Riley didn’t really know what to do with.

Getting back together didn’t exactly seem like an option in Riley’s mind, just because they had sex didn’t suddenly mean that there wasn’t hundreds of miles between them. Sure, she was still very much in love with him, that fact had been confirmed multiple times over the course of the last twenty four hours, but a relationship didn’t seem like the right thing to do.

With a groan, Riley threw herself face down on her bed, wishing that things were a lot easier than they actually were. She knew she should probably talk to Lucas about everything, but she didn’t really know how to broach the subject and truth be told, she didn’t really know exactly how to face him after what had happened. Rolling herself over she began to contemplate her ceiling, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if she stares at it long enough it will offer her up all the secrets of the universe that she so desperately needs answers too.

Unfortunately she only gets a moment of contemplation before her phone vibrates next to her and her heart pounds loudly in her ears as she reads it.

 **Lucas:** We should talk about what happened last night...right?

Riley stares up at the ceiling again and she knows that Lucas is right. That was one of the greatest foundations of their entire relationship, their ability to talk to one another and despite how uncomfortable this conversation might be, she knows they have to have it.

 **Riley:** We definitely should. Meet me @ Topanga’s later?

 **Lucas:** Sure, 3 good?

 **Riley:** Sounds good, see you then. 

She glances quickly at the clock and sees that it’s about eleven, meaning that she has four hours to figure out everything she needs to talk to Lucas about. With another much louder, groan, she throws herself back on her bed again, covering her face with her pillow and praying for the hours to move by faster.

They don’t.

 

***

 

About two hours later Riley hasn’t moved, the pillow is still resting over her face and she really hasn’t made any leeway on what she’s going to say to Lucas when she sees him. Part of her knows that no matter what she plans on saying will fly straight out the window as soon as her and Lucas are in the same room, he’s always had that kind of effect on her.

Luckily, she’s pulled away from her thoughts by the sound of someone coming through her window and she doesn’t even need to move the pillow to know exactly who it is. 

“Hey Riles, everything alright?” Riley sighs softly, removing the pillow from her face to throw a look at her best friend, sitting up so they can look at each other.

“Oh yes, of course. Everything’s just wonderful.” Riley says, smiling sweetly. She know Maya will see right through her, but she really doesn’t want to have to tell Maya about what happened between her and Lucas.

“Okay, does this weirdness have anything to do with why I couldn’t get a hold of you for hours last night?” Maya raises her eyebrow and comes and sit next to Riley on the bed. Riley merely looks at her, feigning innocence.

“Oh no, last night. I was just spending time with Auggie and didn’t have my phone on me, sorry about that peaches.” She says with an easy smile.

“Hm. Sure.” With a slight nod, Maya lets her eyes dance around Riley’s room before landing back on her best friend. “I saw Lucas yesterday.” Riley tries to keep her composure, but she must makes some kind of face because Maya smirks slightly.

“That’s cool.” Is the only thing that Riley can think to say, afraid that anything else would cause her to spill every single detail of the last day to Maya.

“Yeah, super cool. He’s doing really well.” Riley nods, refusing to make eye contact with Maya, instead focusing on a loose thread of her comforter. “But, I’m sure you know exactly how well he’s doing.” Maya says, a hint of playfulness in her voice.

“What does that mean?” Riley questions, even though she already knows the answer. She really has to get better at covering things up, so everyone in her life stops figuring them out.

“Riles, you’ve got it written all over your face, and the makeup is starting to wear off, I can see one of your hickeys.” Maya points to the exposed skin of Riley’s collarbone, and she flinches slightly, rubbing her hand against the skin. “You and Huckleberry totally had sex last night.” She says simply, shrugging her shoulders like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

Riley doesn’t respond, instead throwing her eyes to the ceiling and praying for Maya to drop the whole thing and change the topic of conversation. She really does not want to to have to admit her own weakness, not that Maya would be the worst person to admit such weakness too, she just didn’t want to have to say the words out loud. Saying them aloud makes them all the more real.

“I mean, it’s not big deal if you did. I can’t really say I’m surprised. You and Lucas used to go at it like rabbits back in high school, it was pretty easy to see that this is exactly what was going to happen once you two were in the same room again.” Maya added, which just caused Riley to sigh loudly and throw herself back on her bed.

“Why didn’t you warn me then?” Maya chuckles, laying down as well so her and Riley are side by side, Riley’s eyes trained on the ceiling and Maya eyeing Riley.

“Because honey, that would hurt my enjoyment of the entire situation,” Riley threw a glare in her direction but Maya paid no attention to her, “also, I thought maybe it would be a good thing. Riles, you haven’t talked to or about Lucas since you guys broke up back in August, and clearly you still have feelings for him, now maybe you can finally move on. 

Riley contemplated this for a moment, and wondered if there was any truth to what Maya was saying. Sure the entire thing had felt nice, there had been a lot of pent up feelings and emotions following their break up due to the nature of the entire thing, but did having sex really make all those feelings go away? Well, that seemed to be impossible, but maybe Maya had a point, at least kind of.

“Hm, maybe you’re right peaches.” Riley said softly, placing her head onto Maya’s shoulder and breathing in the comforting smell of her best friend. Her head was still absolutely swimming and she was still just as confused, but the comfort of being around Maya did make her feel more at ease. 

“Are you guys gonna talk about it at all?” Maya questioned, her fingers brushing against Riley’s hair. She sighed softly, nodding against the crook of Maya’s shoulder.

“I’m meeting him at 3 at my mom’s cafe. I have no idea what I’m going to say, but Lucas and I have always prided ourselves on our communication skills, so I know that this conversation is pretty necessary.”

“Well I’m sure it’ll fine, you’re Riley and Lucas, you guys not being fine means that we are officially living in a parallel universe.” Maya laughed lightly and Riley gave a weak smile. She really wanted everything to be fine between her and Lucas but they were walking a fine line here and she was scared that things could very easily sway in a direction she didn’t want them to go in.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine.”

 

***

 

Riley’s stomach was in a knot, a very very large knot, as she sat waiting at her mother’s cafe. She had arrived almost a full half an hour before 3, sick of pacing around her bedroom and overthinking anything and now she was not so patiently waiting for Lucas to arrive. After what Maya had said, her mind was on complete and total overdrive and she knew that the minute she saw Lucas every single feeling from the night before would come rushing back.

Luckily for her, Lucas also seemed to be eager to have this conversation as he arrived only a few minutes after her and immediately they locked eyes across the cafe. Meeting on the couch, they wordlessly sat next to each and completely avoided eye contact. 

“So…” Lucas started, Riley took a glance at him out of the corner of her eye and she could see him wringing his hands together, his eyes staring straight ahead of him. Riley nodded slightly, adjusting in her seat.

“Yeah, last night was….” She failed to find the correct words she wanted to use. On one hand, last night had been amazing, she would never get tired of the way Lucas made her feel when they did anything like that. But on the other hand, she knew it was a mistake and they shouldn’t have done it, that it had only complicated their relationship by giving into their temptations.

“Something.” Lucas finished and she couldn’t help but look at him and meet his eyes, a tight smile on her face. That was certainly a way to put it. They sat in silence for a moment, and not the comfortable silence that they had mastered over the years, no, this silence was stiff and awkward. It brought her back to another time, back in middle school, when they had tried to date, but had been painfully unprepared. The memory brought a small smile to her face, which Lucas took note of. 

“What?” He asked, humor laced in his voice, and at first Riley wanted to pretend that it was nothing, but maybe talking about a funny memory would allow them to feel more comfortable to talk about the matter at hand. 

“I was just thinking about how us not saying anything to each other, feeling really awkward, is painfully similar to when we tried to date the very first time. We had no idea how to talk to each other and sat here in silence, barely knowing how to hold hands, before my mom talked some sense into us.” Lucas chuckled softly and she met his eyes before tearing them away and looking at the floor. “Lucas I,”

“Last night was my fault. I shouldn’t have put you in that kind of situation and I’m sorry.” He said and she furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion. This was certainly not the turn she was expecting the conversation to take. 

“Lucas, what...” 

“No, Riley. I was the one who kissed you, I invited you back to my house, I was the one who pushed last night and I’m truly sorry I did that. We broke up months ago, you’ve moved on, we both need to just forget that last night ever happened.” His voice was soft and Riley’s head was spinning, she really had absolutely no idea what was going on. “As great as it was, it was a mistake and it should have never happened.”

Before Riley had an opportunity to say anything, Lucas abruptly stood up from the seat and cast her a look. She wanted to stand up and ask him what was going on, demand that he explain to her what he was talking about, actual have a conversation with him, but before she could he spoke again.

“I should go, I’ll see you later Riley. I think Smackle wants to have New Year’s at her house this year, so I’ll see you there.” He nodded his head slightly at her in goodbye and started making his way to the door. Shaking her head, she quickly stood up to follow him. Grabbing him by the wrist as he was about to push open the door, he turned to look at her, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

“Lucas, what is going on?” She asked softly, wanting an explanation, anything. 

“What’s going on, is that I realized what happened last night should have never happened and I wanted to apologize. You deserve the chance to move on and last night..last night was a mistake. Now, I really should go.” He pulled his wrist out of her grip lightly, sending her one more tight smile before leaving the cafe, the chill air from outside hitting her and sending a shiver down her spine.

Moving back over to the couch, she sat back down, her mind running at a million miles per hour. This was definitely not how she had imagined this conversation going. Now she was just left with a million more unanswered questions and the dull heart ache she had felt watching Lucas walk away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i promised that i would try and clear things up and i really didn't, i promise that further chapters will explain everything. also this was a little longer than i intended for it to be, but no regrets, there were a lot of scenes i wanted to include. there will be one more part to this time frame (christmas) that will include the party that lucas mentioned, and then we'll have a lil time jump on our hands. 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and please please let me know your thoughts in the comments and i'll catch y'all next time!!


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